In my last post, Recognitions, I wrote about the child inside us who constantly craves approval - from parents, from teachers, from the world. I admitted that despite my title and my career, I still look for that nod of validation.

But there is a paradox in growing up to become a "Country Manager" or a "Lead." Suddenly, the dynamic flips. You are no longer the one waiting for the applause; you are the one expected to give it.

The Empty Room There is a specific kind of silence that comes with leadership. When you are a developer, you have peers to complain to about the code or the client. You are part of the "Molecule." But as you climb the ladder, the air gets thinner. When things go wrong, when a client escalates an issue, or a tough hiring decision must be made, you can’t vent down to your team. That would be unprofessional. You often can’t vent up, because you want to show competence. So, you sit in the silence. That is the loneliness of the leader.

The "Boss" Mask I realized recently that this loneliness is why "Bosses" exist. In my post Faith, Leadership and what not, I described Bosses as arrogant, micromanagers who hide their incompetence. I now think that sometimes, they are just scared. They put on a mask of "I know everything" because they are terrified that if they show a crack, they will lose respect. They distance themselves to avoid the pain of empathy.

The Courage to be Human True leadership is not about being bulletproof. It is about being scared and showing up anyway. It is waking up, remembering the father who didn't express his expectations, and realizing that I have to be the one to articulate the vision for my team. It is realizing that my team doesn't need a perfect statue; they need a human being who admits, "I don't know the answer yet, but we will figure it out together."

The New Recognition I still have that hole in my heart that seeks validation. But I am learning that in leadership, you don't get validation from being praised. You get it from seeing your team grow. When someone I hired years ago surpasses me in skill, or leads their own initiative—that is the new applause. It is a quieter satisfaction, but perhaps, it is the one that matters most.